My name is JP Parmar. I’m 21, born and raised in Canada and moved to Vancouver over 2 years ago, and I love Asian men and only date Asian men. If I use the term correctly then I am Sticky Rice.

The Search

In today’s society looks are everything; you have to be a certain color, race, sexual role, height, specific body shape etc. For a person that only dates Asian men, it is very hard to find the right one or any at all because I’ve noticed that most of them are just looking for gay Caucasian men and I have noticed that even a lot of the Asian men I come across are only looking for sex, which has made my search extremely difficult.

The Dating Game

I find that the dating game is a very dangerous game to play; it is very difficult to find someone serious and long-term. Every guy that I have come across, ranging from there 20’s-mid 30’s, is looking for one thing…”Fun” or as Grindr would refer to it…”Right Now”. If you aren’t looking for fun then you don’t have a chance at anything with them, no matter how attractive they are and no matter how badly you want to get to know them or even simply just chat with them and make a new friend. There is only one objective in mind and that is sex. I have never been the type to hook up, but it is very difficult to thrive as a gay man if you’re intentions and motives aren’t the same.

The last few dates that I have gone on were great, but at the end of the night it always came down to one thing – sex. I find that very confusing because the dating game has changed so much that even on the first date it is almost a requirement to have sex (which I have never done). It makes me question people’s real motive and purpose; what are they really looking for.

Don’t lose yourself

If you’re like me and looking for something serious, do not forget that! Don’t forget what you came looking for and what values and self-respect you hold for yourself. It is very easy to become influenced into the wrong direction and intimidated, but you always have to remember your intentions and stand up for yourself.

There have been many times where I came across someone who wanted something different, and there are times where I would almost give in, but asked myself is this who I really am? Is this what I am looking for? What are my intentions? Is it worth disrespecting myself, my beliefs and values I have set out for myself? You just have to keep telling yourself these things. I know it is easier said than done –  you talk to a really attractive guy and you really want to see where things go, but then he drops a bomb on you, “I’m looking for fun”. I know he’s very tempting, but you have to remember who you are. The wait will be worth it in the end and you will come across that guy you have been searching for eventually.

And never forget one thing. Not everyone will agree with you or want the same thing as you, but you have to be respectful of them, their decisions and not be judgmental – that is something that took me a very long time to comprehend and it is true. Not everyone is looking for the same thing as you; you just have to be respectful of others decisions.

Gay friends

I was alone in the gay community for the longest time and had made no friends and it was extremely difficult! There was no one to tell me anything or explain my feelings or relate to, but then instead of going out looking for dates I started searching for friends. You can’t be gay and alone in this community; you need to have gay friends who understand you and for you to understand them.

Whatsapp group: "The Boyz"
Whatsapp group: “The Boyz”

I made a group on Whatsapp called “The Boyz”, in which I have made gay friends through mutual friends and social media. The whole point of making this group was to have a support system. It is a way to always stay connected and not feel alone because it is very easy to feel alone in the gay community. We all talk every day and get to know each other more and more. We have occasional dinners and movie nights.

If you’re looking for a group of friends who are accepting and do not discriminate or judge then please contact me. I would love to add you into our group!

What I learned

I learned a lot about myself. I learned that you have to be strong and not desperate. I learned that I am very unique, different and rare and should really cherish that. I’m already many steps ahead of the game and realized that the only thing I can do is play the waiting game. This was just a quick summary of what I have come across in the gay community and living as a gay man.